yeah this is all why i'm not going back yet. I told my counselor friend, i'll go back when I know what to say, when I know who I am, when I can hang on to who I am. they all seem to just brush that away, they see that ghost hankster - wow, yeah, it really is like an out-of-body experience, only a permanent one! I get warning calls from my mother's sister who says stuff like, yeah well don't wait TOO long...! I know she will have nothing but venom for me. that's all she ever had, and it can only be growing now. i'm no fool. i'm at peace, finally. all I wanted was a little hug, a little attention, a little love. but no.