I haven't fallen into the abyss of darkness yet. I am fighting it. My one sister and her family came back 'home" and are staying with my other sister. They all had dinner last night and invited us to come. I had to work yesterday and couldn't make it to the dinner. She picked my kids up so they could visit with their cousins and my husband went to pick them up. Day 1 of holiday weekend...successful with avoidance.

My kids have sports activities so that takes care of this morning. Of course I have all kinds of chores to do like hard boiling eggs and laundry and cleaning and PC this mornings so I should be good till 2 or 3pm.

Its not that anyone of my FOO is "bad" or "horrible" its the constant pretending.... they pretend that our childhoods were normal... that it was not abusive... and 4 of my siblings have the act down pat and my one sister and I (ironically the only two that have gone to therapy) can't do it anymore. That sister can't be around everyone yet...too angry.

But its the dysfunctional family ways that you learn. You can't just talk about things. Everyone checks with everyone else about a family member.... they don't call that person and just ask directly... My one sister (the one in therapy) is leaving her emotionally abusive husband and I seem to be the only one who is speaking to her so they will want me to talk and I'll tell them to ask her and then its just ackward...

I have a counselor friend and typically she is the one that I dump all of my dark depressed feelings onto...but not this holiday. I didn't think I could not contact her so I erased all of her contact info from my phone.... (and I don't have her number memorized)... I told her to send me her contact info on Tuesday when I should be back to "normal"...

Anyway... I don't have any anxiety medicine to take before I go but I sure have been self medicating with food! One thing at a time... I guess