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Old Apr 07, 2012, 01:03 PM
bipolarmedstudent bipolarmedstudent is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 673
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlio View Post
Ok, firstly I want to say that my husband and I have always had a very active and healthy sex life. This last year my husband had an affair and we are currently separated but working on repairing the damage...but in this past year he has also been very emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I know he is trying to be better. My latest issue with him is our sex life. I'm having a hard time being intimate with him. I love the man I married but lets admit it, I have a lot of resentment. Now he will stop by and just want to have sex. I think he feels it's the best way for us to connect. I will tell him no and I'm not in the mood (not that I don't give it up a lot) and he just ignores me and laughs it off and he will pull me literally with me fighting the whole time into the bedroom. It makes me mad. It makes me feel gross. I said no because I didn't want to. I'll always end up getting mad and just telling him fine just to hurry and I spitefully just lay there. It makes me hate him. The other day he tried to get me in there and I pushed back and was like NO I'm serious. He tried pushin me in the bedroom but finally he said he was just joking and he was tired too. Is this normal? Am I just being uptight?
No, it's not normal. It's marital rape.

It sounds like you guys have mismatched sex drives. If you want to salvage your relationship with your husband, you guys need to sit down, talk about this and work out a compromise. My bf and I have mismatched sex drives, but we have a compromise that works for us. If he is in the mood, I will allow him to have sex with me, even if I'm not in the mood. I don't pretend to be into it, and I don't put on a show for him. But I don't mind having sex with him, if I'm not in the mood. It's just not a big deal for me. But if for some reason I really don't want to have sex (like I'm too busy or I'm in pain), then I say 'no' and he respects that. Then I will typically help him masturbate. This compromise works for us. You and your husband need to find a compromise that works for both of you.

Also, the abuse needs to stop.
__________________
age: 23

dx:
bipolar I, ADHD-C, tourette's syndrome, OCD, trichotillomania, GAD, Social Phobia, BPD, RLS

current meds:
depakote (divalproex sodium) 1000mg, abilify (aripiprazole) 4mg, cymbalta (duloxetine) 60mg, dexedrine (dexamphetamine) 35mg, ativan (lorazepam) 1mg prn, iron supplements

past meds:
ritalin, adderall, risperdal, geodon, paxil, celexa, zoloft

other:
individual talk therapy, CBT, group therapy, couple's therapy, hypnosis