It sounds like you are practicing self care. That is import when combating the guilt in this difficult situation. Meditation helps me when I am crashing. There is hard scientific evidence that this method can help in these kinds of situations. I use the Tibetan Buddhist Tongen meditation because it includes a very specific visualization. this helps shift my negative thinking patterns and I stop spiraling out of control. i have been hospitalized and suicidal several times. This is the way I have gained some stability in these situations. I am diagnoses as having a severe bipolar one disorder with frequent episodes of mania and depression. Neuroscientists have done quite a bit of research using PET scans and fMRIs to look at the effect meditation has on th brain of those experiencing mental illness. In many cases complete recovery and stability has been possible. Here is a desciption of the meditation. I hope it helps. I know how terrifying it is and how alone you must feel. Sit in a relaxed position and focus on your breathing for a few minutes. Notice when your mind wanders and gently guide your attention back to your breathe. Don't try to force yourself to focus. Just gently guide your awareness back when it wanders. Next close your eyes and remember an event in your life that is sad for you to remember. Next begin to visualize a dark color and breathe it in and exhale a bright color coming from inside you. Begin to add texture to each color after a minute or so. Usually the dark color can be hot and sticky and the bright color can be cool and airy. Now bring your minds eye to a person or circumstance in life that is particularly charged or difficult. As you inhale name the feelings that you have for this person or circumstance and inhale them as the dark sticky color. as you exhale send out feelings of health and well being, visualizing it as a bright color. Make sure you have nothing left inside as you exhale; that you have completely given your feelings of health and well being to the person or circumstance as you exhale. Continue this process until you feel some relaxation around the situation. Next exhale your goodness to the whole planet. End this practice the way you started with a few minutes of simple breathing with your attention focused on the breath. I hope this helps. I can be quite a mess. I have four neurological disabilities and I am still out in the world functioning some how!