Yes, you do sound on the edge, but it sounds like you are preparing for the crash as best you can. It would be helpful to put the knife away, tho, that way you can't grab it impulsively. Now, Find yourself a safe zone. A bed, chair, whatever. Make sure there is nothing you can hurt yourself with nearby - say within reach standing up. When you get that almost impossible to ignore urge to cut, hightail it to the safe zone. Hold yourself there as long as the urge remains. Distract yourself. Sing a song that you really have to work to remember the lyrics to. Theme song to Gilligan's Island. The Brady Bunch. Whatever. Nobody has to know what your distractions is, as long as it's a positive thing. Stay there until you master the urge to hurt yourself. Then you can get back up and move around. You may bounce back and forth a lot for a while, but it will help you get through.

Is there an emergency room option with your partial hosp. program? If you crash, head there. As for for the suicide hotline, if you are wanting to cut, you can call them. They may have some more distractions.

Hang in there,, hugs to you