Silver Moon, you may love your boyfriend but what about loving yourself enough that you do something about the way he speaks to you? If your attempts to explain your hurt about this to him are being turned back on you, it seems to me you have a few options: try to restate your objections as calmly as possible to see if that reaches him; ask him to see a counselor with you; or, end the relationship if neither of those two things work because, as you say, "'respect' is vital." That lack of respect will have a corrosive effect on the relationship, and even more importantly, on you. You deserve better; maybe it can come from him, maybe not.