I am sorry you feel this way. There is no way we can all transform into super models, but there are a few things we can do.

Bald? Shave your head. Many women think it's hot. Some of the hottest men I ever dated had shaved heads.

Stink? Okay... thats not a hard one. You can bathe and clean up. Brush your teeth. Don't forget behind your ears. Turn it into a routine that helps you wake up in the morning. Nothing is better than a hot shower.

Fat? Who cares. Most people are.

I think if you take those steps above, and try to find a way to develop a nicer attitude towards people your life will change 100%... if you can't be funny, be kind.