Counseling can definitely help, and you certainly aren't alone. There are millions of people who suffer from depression and anxiety. But yes, I get that in the "real world" it feels very isolating when people are all putting on their happy faces. The truth is that some of them have suffered/are suffering too. I hope you do find people who understand your feelings and what you have gone through. I am 42 and went through a great deal of pain and depression/anxiety/alcohol and drug abuse in my teens and early 20s. Of course I still have emotional pain in my life at times, but I have found people who understand. And I have healed some from that pain. Going to a counselor is a GREAT step. I hope you find some peace and that you will keep us updated on how you are doing.