Roadie, i haven't had contact since christmas time, and that was just via mail.

but as i was the one who asked for decent folks who could care for my special boys when i had the breakdown...and as i was the one who advised social workers about my other problems later (they were ready to hand them back and i admitted all my problems and said think carefully if this is best for these babies) ...then i guess in a way it's my own fault.

deep down i feel i have done what is best for them..but it still hurts, especially when contact breaks down and i get faceless social workers informing me of new problems by mail when i can't do anything about it.