I totally feel this Tricia. I even feel sometimes that the feelings of depression have become a habit or addiction for me. I slip so easily into it sometimes, the SU ideation especially: like, at some point in my depressed life, thinking about different ways to off myself became an automatic response to stress or sadness. I hate myself for it. I feel it's waaaay self- absorbed and obviously...it just makes me feel MUCH worse. I think I used to have the SU daydreams as a way for me to feel in control: like I at least have the power to end these feelings for good....( I know, I know, this whole depressive thought process of mine is f'ed) ...and now, like I said, it's almost habit...automatic. They should have Depressives Anonymous
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