So I went to this bipolar/depression support group I just started attending. I'm really struggling right now. Haven't self injured in over two years but I stopped on my way to the support group to get new knife blades - the one in my knife now is getting a little rusty and dull, don't want tetanus if I decide to cut - how screwed up is that. Because of the Easter holiday, I was the only one there, just me and the facilitator and his wife. We were talking through some of my issues and working on ideas for solutions and help.

About an hour into a 1 1/2 hour group, another guy showed up. We welcomed him in and encouraged him to share - figured I'd had my time, so let the new guy talk. Turned up he wasn't really there "for" the support group. He was there to tell us how he used to be depressed years ago but isn't anymore because he quit taking his meds and thought positively and pulled himself up by his own bootstraps. He was disappointed at the small number of people he had to talk to but grandly offered to come back in two weeks when he was off work and tell his story again and help lead the group. He said he had thought about coming for a while but decided he had to because if would be - his words - "criminal" if he didn't come talk to us.

Now, I'm not questioning his motives. I'm sure he honestly wants depressed people to feel better. But the way he talked and his complete lack of understanding of mood disorders had me wanting to strangle him. He said that going to a pdoc and taking meds and getting therapy was the equivalent of putting training wheels on a bicycle, and he decided he didn't want training wheels anymore so he just took them off.

I'm really struggling right now, not sure if I'll make it through the night without cutting. A lot of what I'm having such a hard time working on is making myself and my own health a priority, something that is totally against my nature, and this guy sits here proudly telling us how he got all better when he realized depression is just thinking "me, me, me" all the time. NOT HELPFUL.

Just frustrated and venting. It's gonna be a rough night.