So, my husband and I have known each other for 7 years, and were married in 2010. We are madly in love and are very close friends as well. When we do have sex, it is very stimulating and satisfying for both of us...
but,
my husband has some ingrained negative associations with sex that are starting to put a strain on our sex life, and are really starting to make me feel like a Bad Woman, further strengthening my since-childhood beliefs that I am a person that is intrinsically bad for other people, especially the people that I love.
For one: my husband has an ingrained belief in a "2 Day Rule": that 2 days after sex (or any ejaculation) his energy and flow are "off". He sees evidence of this rule in everything from missing the bus, to forgetting to pay a bill, to getting snappy at me for no reason. This is a belief he has held since before we met and no scientific arguments will convince him otherwise.
For two: my husband has a problem with tobacco addiction, specifically tobacco and cannabis together. It is an addiction he has accepted and is working to overcome...but when I see him smoking Mollies after we make love and ask why, he says, "oh, I can't quit after we have sex"
I posted a similar inquiry on the relationship forum before I realized this forum was here, and more appropriate for my issues, and tonight I actually tried to get him to talk to me about it. I explained that all these expressions of the negative consequences of sex with me are starting to take a toll on my confidence as a wife. Recently I have transitioned off of the libido-crushing Paxil antidepressant and my sex drive is thru the roof! I feel so excited to explore this drive; at a level I can't remember feeling since high school, with my husband, and intellectually I feel that that is perfectly okay, healthy, and what most husbands would kill for! But...my husband's coldness and sexual regret has me second guessing that. When I shared these feelings with him tonight, He refused to even respond, said he was tired, needed sleep and didn't want to "start this conversation now". I want to be patient and understanding...but I'm starting to feel like his sexual shame is a brick wall that I have no resources to break through...
I want to include that my husband was raised fundamentalist Christian with his mom, 4 sisters, and an alcoholic, traveling preacher turned absentee father. My last post somehow earned an "anti-Christian rant" tag from me sharing this info. I am not anti-Christian by any means! But believe that my husband's shame and regret could very well stem from the abstinence-only, anti-sex Ed attitude of his parents? I love him. I want to work through this...but how can I when he won't let me in? Any insights or advice are welcome please