Try asking permission/warning him before you touch him. Like, "Hug now?" as you reach for him, prepared to cut it off if he isn't ready. You'll find what works. I prefer side by side hugs with hip bumps for special occasions.

Also, having him lie face down, with pillows piled on top of his back or a person who holds very still ,hugging/ holding him from behind sorta, can be calming.

Petting is O U T ! ! ! for me. If you make physical contact, hold it still or you'll drive me out of my mind/body/senses. One of my worst fears is that I'll be incapacitated and somebody will sit by my bed petting me. BLAGH. I call that hell!!!!. I would never get a moment's peace.

The air from a fan, on low, across the room, "gets me"-- beacause it is never quiet and it moves the exposed hairs on my body. Irritates my limbic system. Never shuts off till I turn off the fan. Then my whole being sighs with relief.