Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
I don't think you are afraid of gaining back the weight you have lost; it is that you feel she looks like what you use to look like and you do not like that "mirror"; you have not accepted yourself. The therapist is not you. She may have no problem with her weight, her looks. I would not worry about her, I would try to stick with what you feel, directly. If you get into the "I'm afraid of gaining it back", that isn't quite the issue and can't solve the problem?
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Darn it!
I can't fool you (((( Perna))))! You are of course right on about me not accepting myself and I do know this about myself. I talked about it in my last session with old T and marriage T (about not accepting myself - OUCH!). On some level I am afraid of gaining the weight back but that's not my 'issue' right now and there is a part of me that is afraid of talking to new T about my weight as I have a fear that I'm going to hurt her by talking about it because she is over weight. I don't have another option for a T right now and I can't be without one and I can't go back to old T as I would be going backwards. - I hope that makes sense.
I have an appointment on Thursday and will be telling the rest of why I need to see her. I hope this works out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaybird57
Wow, Perna has hit it on the nose in my opinion. It really isn't about what we're afraid of "happening" in regard to weight, it's about what we SEE before us. As a person who loss over 150 lbs over seven years ago and now is a a "normal" weight", I used to have a hard time dealing with individuals who were overweight after losing my weight. It wasn't that I couldn't be sympathetic and empathetic about being that weight (god, I could surely understand how hard and heartwrenching that place was to be), it was about whether or not I could relate to them as being in a TERRIBLE place mentally in regard to their own eating and numbing out.
I know that I am totally lucky in that I have a therapist who works with eating disordered individuals . .. along with other issues  , and I know that, even though she could NEVER have known what it was like to be in my weight range, she understands eating disorders on a very close and imtimate level. It gives me comfort and reassurance.
I think it's great that you've already decided to discuss this issue with your therapist, geez. Sometimes, those of us who have lived a life of being overweight believe that NO ONE can understand our pain . .. and if another person is overweight they can't understand because they CAN'T GET A GRIP ON THEIR OWN ISSUES. One thing I've learned over time is that there truly are overweight people who are comfortable and happy with their bodies. Just because I have always hated my overweight body doesn't mean that others feel the same way. Self esteem and self confidence comes from many different places within us. I hope you don't discount her for her weight. She might surprise you in a wonderful and wonderous way. |
(((Jaybird))) You are so right about confidence and self esteem coming from different places and thank you for sharing your life experience! That is so awesome that you have been maintaing for seven years!!!! I've been trying to maintain/lose the last 10 for a year (I lost 80) . I'm so happy to 'meet you'. I've yet to meet someone who is in maintenance mode and I've been looking for a mentor of sorts in that arena. Would you be my mentor??? Pretty please?
- if i have a question every now and again about maintenance? If not no worries as life is busy.
I'll be thinking of you both on Thursday. I can do this! Hoping that there's a connection with this new T and she does work with Eating Disorders - she does trauma so that's one component I need.