********Trigger for completely made-up scenario regarding parental neglect********



I don't know if this is an issue in your case, but my $.02 is that the details matter a heck of a lot, though not for the sake of description so much as for the sake of creating an emotional connection to what was happening for you, how it made you feel then, and how it makes you feel now. An example...

I've been in T a few times over the past 20 years. The first time we went over my CSA in painstaking detail. I believe the point was not so much that my T wanted to know every little thing as that she knew I needed to feel every little thing I could about it. First, the more details I gave, the clearer the picture became, and the more I remembered. More importantly, the more details I gave, the more I made an emotional connection to what happened, which is exactly what's needed to work through something like that and ultimately heal. It was really painful, but the outcome was great.

I'm currently in T for a bunch of other stuff, most of which has to do with childhood trauma of a different sort. This time around my defenses are super high. Three years into it, I've basically told T what seem like the important details, but it's definitely been in outline/summary form, not much more. (It's sort of like the difference between saying "My mom didn't pay a lot of attention to me, and I guess it sort of bothered me" and "When I was four my mom left me alone in the house for two days because she met some man. I was terrified the whole time that someone was going to kidnap me. And I didn't know how to cook for myself, so I ate dogfood. I felt ashamed that I did that, and afraid that she was going to be mad. These days I feel....") There's a pretty big difference, I think. The outline lets us minimize and disconnect. The more detailed version, not so much.

Anyway, this time around in T I keep saying "I really think I've told you everything," and T keeps saying "I think there's a lot more to say." And I know she's right. I know what's missing is the feelings behind the book report version that I'm offering now. And I know I won't get better until I get to that.

One other thing...

I sometimes find myself thinking/saying what amounts to "I'm not sure if I remember everything the right way" and "I don't want to be wrong and be unfair to my abusers." T keeps saying that it's the nature of these kinds of abuse that people often don't remember everything, but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. And even if it's not 100% accurate, it's what it feels like happened, and in this case that's just as important.

Anyway, I hope this helps. I really know, from experience, that the details matter. I also know it's so hard to give them. It takes courage, but you strike me as a tough cookie, so I believe you can do it!