I know for myself that since I have huge gaps of memory loss (like I remember school time but not time in my home) that I probably dissociated as a way of dealing with it... and that may account for my ability to talk like a robot or even to smile when talking about something horrible...

Yes I had an "I imagine" session with my t. in which we talked about how adult me thought little me must have felt at the time... there were two points to my T wanting me to do that... one was so I could realize how things I don't think are a big deal really would be to a child or to be more specific would I want a child I know today to have to go through that... and the second point was so he could point out that children don't understand things the way an adult does and that children don't know enough to know what is really happening. As adults with all this knowledge and understanding it is hard to go back to understanding as a child did...

So your concern that there were bits one liked... That is really something that is so helpful to talk to T about because she would really help you understand that children don't have the understanding to know what was happening...sometimes people thought it was okay because at least they weren't being beat...sometimes kids are just at least having someone pay attention to them (even if its not good)... oh this is something if you haven't that you should really discuss...