I added a trigger for yucky details of my own stuff. I'd make it a double trigger if I could -- involves cruelty to animals as well as children.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
Sometimes the details seem contradictory and sometimes simply too absurd to be accurate.
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I had this experience as well, stopdog, about one incident in particular. I kept dreaming about, and sometimes "remembering" my mom killing a little kitten that followed me home. Killing it in front of me, and not all at once. I thought there was NO way EVEN my mother was that horrible. And the kitten kept changing color in my dreams and memories. So I thought that was something that I just made up. As it turns out, no. She actually did that. My sisters were laughing about it one day when my niece's cat was annoying my sister. "Remember that time mom shot the kitten that followed MKAC home, and told MKAC it was all her fault?" "Remember how she just wounded it at first?" hahahahaha.
I wouldn't share this at all, stopdog, except to emphasis that while our brains will mess with the details, many times the underlying incident really was there. And it's so awful and messed up that our little brains cannot deal with it, and we distort the details.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I have absolutely no idea. Sometimes I probably felt bad but that is just a guess based on how I would feel now. "if someone hits you, it hurts and you feel bad" rather than being able to say I remember feeling X. I don't remember feeling anything. I don't feel anything now when talking about it. And then there is always concern that there were bits one did not object to or protest.
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This one is hard for me as well. Both parts. Lack of feeling because I had learned how to live half alive (as the song goes), and also that not only did I not object out loud, I didn't even object internally to parts of it. I still have deep seated shame about that.