Ok. I will open up here, maybe you can get something out of it. I am bipolar II and adult ADD. What I don't tell people is that I have abandonment issues. Serious ones. I am married with two kids. I don't know how I managed to stay married to my wife for 12 years. 12 years of hell i put everyone through, selfishly. I would fight with my wife for no reason. I would use that as an excuse to get out of the house. I would go off and not even realize or care what i did. I never cheated on her, thank god, but what does it even matter? With all of the things I did... All of the ways I hurt her... I tried to push her away. I never stopped! NEVER! I was absolutely horrible! I could see myself doing this, I HATED myself for doing it... but I never stopped. I never hit her or physically hurt her or the kids... but emotional hurt scars far worse in my opinion. When I wasn't being an absolute monster... I would be depressed. Withdrawn. Showing NO emotion. Karen (my wife) said I would just dissapear. I would become secretive. Almost on the paranoid side and I would hide everything from everybody. Then I would even out. I would build up everyone around me as high as I possibly could. I tried to erase the damage I had done by getting everyone around me to soar as high as the moon. Then the swing hit. I would get elevated. I didn't even realize what that was that was happening. Even now when it happens... My biggest indicator that i am more than just a little elevated is when EVERYTHING changes around me. I could feel just fine on the inside. I can feel like everything is okay. But everyone around me starts reacting to me like I am angry when I am happy, or like I am depressed when I am angry. Everything changes. I hate, hate, hate that!!!! Be very careful for what you ask for when pursuing someone that has this. No one has those magic hands... the ones that can reach inside of you and take away all of the hurt they caused you. But you will sit there and watch them break, like I break, because they want nothing more in the entire world than to take back what they never, ever, ever meant to do! But when the damage is done, it's done! I stood in my kitchen yesterday. I stood still. Very, very still because everyone around me was crying or yelling. My wife was yelling at me to try. My kids were crying because we had driven to the theatre to see the Hunger Games but came home instead. My wife says I checked out. That I wasn't honest with her that morning when we "check in" with each other. She says I completely withdrew. inside I felt fine, I was only a little worked up, but she saw otherwise. This had made her mad, as it will you if your husband was like me, and she got scared. Scared! A fear response to my moods! We came home and the more she yelled, the more I withdrew, until all I could do is stand there and try not to move. I break down now, something I used to hide. I ended up leaving, walking to the store to buy cigarettes. But the store was the other way than I was walking. I had ALL the physical signs of high elevation and I couldn't think for the life of me. I just kept going. Desperately needing something, and fast, but not having any idea what I was doing. I was capable of any number of bad things yesterday walking. Karen had found me in the car and I had no choice but get in. She had calmed down and took me home. But getting into that car, I felt like a mental patient. NO CONTROL. I resigned! long story short we did see the movie, and I was left feeling "sick". Really sick!!! I convince myself I am ok. I minimize EVERYTHING and really believe I am ok. I am not.

This is a glimpse into my life... it's what I have to offer anyone pursuing another who has this same thing. My condition is "mixed", My elevation matches my depression on my mood charts, and my emotions can quickly show both extremes throughout the days my moods are moderate and severe. I really hope you take this "snapshot" of my life and really consider it. If you are successful with the man you are chasing... the worst thing you can EVER do is change your mind as he gets more comfortable and his symptoms show more. It would be devastating. Please consider this. And good luck, because every man needs that special someone... someone that makes everything ok. I hurt for those that don't have that.