But that is just it - I am not having any abuse now (I am not fully certain what happened earlier was abuse - but even if it was - there is none now). My life is fine now. I am not tolerating anything that is not just life (tax prep, license renewal, house painting etc). I know I have choices and make the best ones at the time with the information I have. I don't get into things I don't choose to be in, I can tell others no, I can go be with friends, I can go be alone - all of that is fine. There is no reason for me feeling wrong (shame?) all the time. And details are not seeming to make it any better.