trinity, I get tears in my heart thinking of what you have endured and what you are enduring now. actually, I think it's awesome how you have survived and continue to survive .... you have a lot of courage and strength, I think.
I wish too that there was something really practical I could reach out and do for you! I'm glad you have a plan for getting away from that place; that is good and something to feel good about, even under the circumstances. you're not just sitting there being overwhelmed, you're reaching out, you're looking for ways to help yourself, change what you can in your situation.
keep posting. we're not bothered; we do have care and concern for you!