thanks buggs i guess i never really considered that it's not the end of the world if i just give myself the time to go through it occasionally... i don't give in every single time depression comes my way... most times i try to figure out ways to combat it & get up and fight for myself ... and though i wasn't aware, in a way, i guess i was seeking permission... to not fight this time... i feel like reading your post and irreplaceable's about not beating myself up... i'm not so mad at myself now... the frustration part is lifting/resolving... and i'm already recovering...

thanks again to you both