{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kelly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. I don't know why your pdoc hasn't called you - it would bother me that he said he would and just didn't too. Sometimes professionals really mess up. I know they are busy, and they have so many people to worry about, but if they say they will call or anything else, they should keep their word. Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease though, so if you need to talk to him, maybe you need to keep calling. Maybe he is at a loss as to what else to try, and is trying to think of something before talking to you?

It must get so frustrating for people to keep trying to help when your actions say that you don't really want to get better. When you talked to your therapist on Wednesday, did you know what you were going to do that night? Or was it more of a later trigger and a sudden impulse. If they have noticed that when you talk to your therapist and your pdoc then you do this to yourself, maybe they just don't want to trigger that pattern again. Even though they care about you, if they honestly feel that you are better served by them not seeing you, then can you see how they might respond to that?

It's hard to accept that people really care about you. I understand needing to continually test them and try to get evidence that they really do. But it doesn't help you to do that. As much as they care, nobody can help you if you don't let them, and do your part. Ultimately, all of the real effort in your recovery has to be yours, because that is the only thing that can make you better. They can encourage and support you, and provide you with medication and advice and all they other assistance that they can think of, but ultimately it is still up to you.

<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

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