I hear you - other than the panic attacks, what you are describing is where I was after Vietnam. I got so ticked off at the lack of help (there was no "PTSD" diagnosis until 1980, btw, and no one at the VA seemed to know what to do other than prescribe pills) that I eventually became a counselor then a psychologist. So I was Marines, '65-'72, and recently ANG ('06-'09). I got nothing to sell and I'm not recruiting clients. I just want to supply some info. There are therapies that have been researched and found to cure PTSD (no meds have been so found). In fact, the DoD and the DVA reviewed all the existing research and in 2004 and again in 2010 identified those therapies (as have numerous national and international organizations, boards of mental health, and agencies). In fact, for the past several years the Army has had a training program in these therapies for its mental health people (counselors from the other services and the VA have attended the trainings). The therapies are usually referred to by their initials: EMDR, CPT, and PE. Here's some important info:
1. If anyone tells you one or the other of these therapies doesn't work or hasn't been researched, they got it wrong. Tons of research and tons of clinical experience show they do. Not all therapists know how to use them, so look for someone who has been trained.
2. The goal of therapy (any therapy) is not to forget - that's impossible. A reasonable goal is to resolve the issue: If I don't feel like I have a right to be alive, that's the issue. I don't want to forget because what I went through was too important.
3. You are not alone. Don't make the mistake that a lot of us 'Nam vets did. We got separated and many of us thought we were the only ones suffering - you're doing the right thing making contact with folks here (hell, we didn't even have the internet in the '70's) but don't limit it to your computer screen. Get with people, maybe starting with other vets 'cause it's easier to make that bridge.
4. Do not quit. What you are going through is not insignificant - it's huge and important. So the first therapy or therapist you hook up with might not work. Like in the sandbox, don't quit - one foot in front of another until it gets done. There it was the mission that had to get done. Well, there's still a mission: to bring everyone home.
5. And when you make it - and you will; no matter what anyone tells you, we know enough about the brain nowadays that we know PTSD is curable - you turn around and help a brother or sister make it. They'll listen to you because you've done it.