Last week I shared with T about CSA.. I didn't want to really talk about it then and he was okay with that. He said he would push me a little bit a time, but try not to go overboard as well. He thought that this one incident might have a lot to do with my issues I am dealing with right now.

Well, we talked about it a little more today.. we didn't really get too in depth, but it was just too much. T seeing that I was getting overwhelmed decided to end the session kind of early. I was okay with that.. However, at the end he was confirming that I was already scheduled for next week..and I just could not get out of my seat. I don't know where I was. T asked if I was going to be okay and I said I don't know and pretty much broke down right there. I have never cried in front of him before today.. He spent the next 10mins grounding me, reassuring me, etc.

I walked out feeling a bit better, but I am just so overwhelmed on the verge of tears at any second. T said he pushed me and thought maybe that he may have pushed me a little too much and he aplogized for that. Then he said that he would make a note not to bring it up unless I started to talk about it. I said, that might not be a good idea b/c I may never bring it back up. Which, I think maybe a mistake.. I desperartley want to put a voice to something that never had a voice.. T even said that right now I am looking it has a big caged monster, and if I let it out really it won't feel that way and it won't overpower me like it is now. However, how am I supposed to talk about it if I end up how I did at my appointment today? Ugh.. I want to crawl in a hole and hide right now.

Oh and after writing this, I realized that maybe this might belong on the Surviors of abuse board.. Sorry if it seems out of place here.