My husband is oldest of four brothers and the youngest just died last week. The second oldest lives near the youngest and has been "responsible" for him for the last 25-30 or so years; my husband, being oldest, "babysat" when the youngest was youngest. He was the "problem" child (he was self-sufficient but moved from Florida, where their parents lived, to San Francisco; the second oldest lives in California also).

So, there's a memorial service for the youngest in San Francisco and we live on the East Coast. The third brother, second youngest, lives on the East Coast too but is going to the memorial service in 2-1/2 weeks but my husband isn't/doesn't want to. I'm trying to talk him into going; trying to get him to do the "oldest brother" role and show solidarity with his, now, other two brothers who will be there/going and support the second oldest who has had this "oldest" responsibility for so long (he was there when this brother died). I have a couple things I could do in San Francisco (I have family there too) and have offered to go with him, if that would help him decide to go.

I feel a little guilty trying to pressure him to go. I have three brothers also (but I'm youngest) and don't want him to regret these end-of-life opportunities, not taken? We're in our 60's and aren't getting any younger.