I've felt the same as you many many times in the past and continue to have to try to resist falling into these moods. The self-harm will accomplish nothing so number 1, just don't do it. There's a reason your mind has not carried through with it yet so listen to it and stop. Self-hating and loathing is more difficult to stop because you don't have to transfer it to a motor function as it's just "in there" in the mind.

The best thing to do is talk to someone about what you're feeling. Maybe they'd think that drugs would help and maybe they'd just suggest talk therapy or even a combination. I'm on the combination method and from my own experience it HAS gotten better after the meds were sorted out and find got the right ones keeping it all in check.

Try to see a professional and listen to others who'll surely post after me. Many MANY of us have been there and gotten through it!