thank you for the words pals. i just went from school and learned that i have failed grades. i used to be an eager student, but now i can hardly concentrate. i don't know how to describe this but i always procrastinate and fantasize and think of a thousand and one things. i even act out my fantasies. when i dont do that when i feel the urge, i feel tensed up. and yea, im in college. but in every way i still act like a child.
now that i have failed grade, i do not know how to say this to my father. a part of me just wants to perish, i've been feeling like this for the longest time but no luck comes. that's why i feel like i just want to perish. i no longer know where to turn, every road has a block.
i dont know if i must share this but i try religion- they say this is the old form of psychotherapy.. i try to follow doctrines instead of following my subconscious pulls but at the end, i always lose. i think i must resolve my subconscious problems first. and please, i dont mean to scam, im just seeking reference... i am in dire need of financial support. i just want to change and experience life more... change my loose clothes, cracking shoes and go out once in a while. sometimes people look at me because of my looks... so please, will you give me advise where to look? i just want to feel a little more free... im having a hard time describing it, but as i passed by a shop a while ago, i felt like i miss going out like before when i still look better and had money.
now, it's not that we just have financial troubles, but i feel we scarce even the everyday needs. we're now buried in debts because my father's wage isnt enough to support all our needs, but my father doesn't know taht because even my mother is afraid when my father is angry.