There's a lot of anguish and disappointment in that letter--grief really. But I don't hear closure--especially not with the ambivalent statement about wanting to see 2 Ts.
I've experienced a painful termination, and it sucks. My exT could never be who I wanted or, even much more minimally and realistically, who I needed. I think I was convinced of that when I left even though I ended my last session hyperventilating and sobbing. You don't seem quite convinced yet, given the idealization I hear. I hope your new T can help bring you to an acceptance of her inadequacies, so the yearning that seems to be present in you tapers off a bit because yearning is a bi tch, and this one damn sure ain't gonna be quenched--at least not by your exT.
You say you wanted her to know it wasn't all your fault, but in your letter you specifically say: I am to blame. and I don't blame you.
Do you see how including those sentences is at odds with your stated goal? That contradiction is definitely something that could be productive to explore with your new T. Maybe it's limited to this context, or maybe it's part of a pattern of communication--saying something other than what you mean or even its opposite and expecting the other person to infer your real meaning.
Last edited by Snuffleupagus; Apr 10, 2012 at 04:38 AM.
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