I feel so inadequate, so useless. I can't even bathe. Sometimes I don't eat, other nights I can't even sleep. I try to draw, but they all suck. At least that's what people tell me. I wish I could go back home to my country so I could be with Emily and the others forever. People tell me my country doesn't exist, but I don't believe them. I only post in this forum because my pdoc told me I have this illness. I believe I am gifted with something, but others only poo poo it from me. They tell me I'm never going to be good at anything. I want to die, and what they say reaffirms that. I only try to seek approval, but am turned down everywhere. Nobody likes me at all. I've tried killing myself once, but failed. I just want to be able to draw like a pro, but like they say, Schizo's can never draw well. **** this illness. I need to go home.