Today wasn't great but it wasn't so bad, so I have decided to live another day. If that goes well, who knows, I might even decide to keep on living until the end of the week. I'm not thinking of suicide, it's just that for the past 15 years I have been existing as opposed to living, and a mere existence doesn't provide much to talk about.

Sometimes I feel that the only purpose to most people's lives is to fill the void with some sort of activity, any activity, so as to imbue life with a modicum of purpose and meaning. The eradication of nothingness seems to be the main purpose of life. But if life is nothing, should it be banished and replaced with something?

Existential frustration keeps gnawing away at my being. I live in a beautiful countryside environment, beside mountains and forests. Sometimes I go up into the mountains and into the forest where I breathe the air, and I momentarily feel good, as I have done something; a simple activity. But the sense of achievement is transient, and it's not long before the nothingness returns.

I'm tired of attempting to eliminate the nothingness, fill the void, and transform my existence into a life. But I have decided to live another day, and tomorrow might be brighter than today.

this was supposed to be posted in a different forum.
Sorry about that.