So sorry to hear about your ex-hubby and little guy's Dad. I've known a couple like you who were much better friends than married people, and it was hell when one of them passed on.

Mixed episodes.......how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways---for one thing, my depressive episodes have always been clearly that, and this time I couldn't tell if I was depressed or what. There was this disconnect between my agitation and my actual amount of physical activity---I was like an engine revved up to 7000 rpm while sitting on blocks in the driveway. I was irritable, explosive, hostile, paranoid, anxious.......I couldn't concentrate, couldn't stay on task, couldn't remember stuff, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and couldn't have cared less.

I had no insight whatsoever into what was going on, and when I asked my primary doctor for a different antidepressant he said No and referred me to a psychiatrist. To say I was pissed is an understatement; I wasn't crazy, I'd just had really bad mood swings most of my life. But I went, and it took all of 90 minutes to get a diagnosis of BP NOS (he's still figuring out whether it's cyclothymia or bipolar II). Luckily, I haven't developed a rash from the Lamictal, and the relief it's provided is simply amazing......I almost feel normal again (whatever THAT is, lol).

Of course, I'm fearful of going through another episode like that. I wonder how long the remission will be, and what happens if the meds stop working. But I guess I shouldn't worry about it, no one can know when or if it'll happen again, and I want to enjoy the good days while they're here.