i agree with Leed, bless your heart... you shouldn't have to keep everything bottled in. i'm glad you can talk here anonymously. and please don't ever give up. i remember my mother ignoring me when i was a teen and told her i o/d'd on aspirin. recently she apologized and said she just didnt know i was having such a hard time. i also hope you can get to a therapist or doctor and possibly try some medicine that helps with panic attacks... the med helps me. good luck honey hang in there, i really hope it gets a little easier for you.