thanks all.

this is so freakin hard. After four years, I was so sure my story was told at last, and time to move forward; but something I truly have always thought of as a nothing showed up a few weeks ago, and T2 thinks it is huge; she showed me that it opens up a whole new level of issues and reasons for them, all of which I hate. Ugly, ugly.

I wish I had met her all those years ago instead of T1; I'd probly be done by now. she is so good at this work.
I hate therapy.