Hi gang!

Today I talked to T about the end of the Good Group.

I talked about the Horrible Event that took place and how I had felt (correctly as it happens) that the group would never be the same again. In my heart I felt that T had betrayed the group by not acting soon enough to ensure its safety. The group straggled on for another nine months, but people left and eventually T decided to wind the group up. (The first to leave was a woman I was particularly attached to. I viewed her as a daughter.)

So I was angry with T but I couldn't express that anger. This damaged our connection and led to a rupture. The rupture happened before the group came to an end and was not repaired until after the group was properly buried.

That's the story I told T.

Then she told me the story from her perspective. We've been together nine years now, and she revealed a lot more than a therapist would normally say. I take this as a compliment. We're adults and equals.

She reminded me that the group had rarely run at a profit due to the high overheads. The room had to be paid for and whatever was left over had to be split between two facilitators. It was almost volunteer work. She said, "You were the only one to work this out and to raise it in the group. I thank you for that."

Her main motivation for running the group is that she wanted the experience of running a group. It was an experiment, a recreational project.

New members - suitable new members - were very hard to find.

Here's the thorn.

She pointed out that this was the year when my hate mail campaign reached a climax. The hate mail had a draining effect on her and was a contributing factor to her decision to stop the group. How guilty I feel about this remains to be seen.

So when the Horrible Event took place and people started leaving, she felt that enough was enough.