granite, i LOVE LOVE LOVE that even though you were petrified (!!!) YOU STILL TOLD HER ABOUT THE CHAIR. You would NEVER have done this even 2 months ago! So no matter that you think you made things worse (i doubt you did), YOU TOLD HER.

You KEEP putting yourself out there despite your fears. I know how hard that is, believe me. Just last night I tried calling my T to leave her a VM and it took me until 11:00pm, a (alcoholic) drink, and 5 hang ups before i did! I still didn't tell her everything I was feeling, especially the most important parts: my fears of her reactions to me. I understand, and that was in a voicemail. In person?! Yah right.

I am constantly blown away by your tenacity. I said this to someone awhile ago, maybe it was even you, but I saw this Law and Order episode again the other day. At the end, the detective is talking to the victim and goes "Just remember, you already survived the abuse, recovery is easier."