KeepGoing8,

I have heard that different people have different sexual desires and needs. It isn't unusual for couple to have different ideals. The trick is working with one another, with respect and care.

Personally, I am on the opposite side of the spectrum, like your hub. I have battled very low self-esteem all of my life. Sex is a big trigger for me. Has your hub been sexually abused? It is possible that your hub's mom had some resentment towards his father, which your hub took responsibility for.

These are things that I have to work through. My bf can't make me feel any better about sex ~ though he sure does try hard! In my and your hub's defense, I do try very hard to please. I am sure that your hub tries too ~ it can be dissociating at times, which really stinks. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. But our personal experiences can really tint the love. It then becomes a chore, something that we have to do in order to please the s.o. It shouldn't be that way. It takes time to work through the negative emotions that we link to sex.

I advise you to gently suggest your hub to see a T ~ someone who he can work through these feelings with. If your hub isn't willing to talk with a professional about it, maybe he'd like to try speaking with someone else. It is important that you and your hub maintain a decent emotional bond by trying to work with one another.

Hope that helps you both...