Yesterday I was so upset in the morning I had to call out sick. I didn't have the willpower to get to work despite my feelings. I'm a bit numb today and anxious about what if anything will come up of my being out. I'm going to get an fmla filed for intermittant absences. I think that will ease some anxiety about being out sick for depression.

I think what put me over the edge yesterday was the fact that my wife seems to need a break from me and my older daughter's mental illness. I really started to believe she was going to leave me and I also don't have any time to take off to care for the kids alone so I'd have to miss work unpaid. I emailed my boss for permission to work from home for a week so my wife could go to her parents place in Canada. I think the shame and guilt built up too much.

My wife helps me function so i can go to work and make money. If I lose that support, I will completely fall apart.