Dear T,

I'm falling into a hole. I don't feel particularly motivated to get out of it right now. My anger (at you, at everyone) is consuming me. Thing is, no one really knows I'm angry.

I'm tired. The thoughts of just wanting to be done are there. I've thought about contacting pdoc, but I'm so reluctant to do anything with medication now. Besides, what if this passes on its own. What if I'm making way too much out of nothing?

I do and I don't want to contact you. I chose not to go to my appointment yesterday because I felt like I needed some distance. And because I was angry. Now I've got distance and I'm too stubborn to try to bridge the gap. Too embarrassed to reach out after I pushed you away.

I don't want to go to work today. I don't want to be a parent or wife today. But I will, because I don't really have any other choice.