I've spent the last two months or so completely avoiding this website. It's what I needed. I even went so far as to ask docjohn to delete my user account mainly to avoid temptation of being on this site. I'm only back now for this one post. And I'm only doing this because really it only took one random person to say this to another person and me to hear it for it to sink in and start working on me.

In passing I heard a stranger say to their aquaintance "You're too far in your head, you've got to get out of your head." and it seemed to really sink in with me. Life is really hard, for some of us it's unbearable. That's the reason for my blackouts, reality was just too much to live with. But a lot of my anxiety, my fear, my sadness... A lot of it was because I was burried too deep in my own head. Always focused on me.

Always focused on how my body felt, how my spirit felt, how I was acting and feeling, I just focused all of my energy on me. While putting some time for yourself, when it becomes all of your thinking, all of your ideas, you eat sleep and breathe thinking about yourself, it will drive you crazy.
So I found a hobby. And then another. And then another. Something to do with my hands. First one didn't work. Second one didn't work. Eventually though, the persistance paid off because I was focusing more on finding a suitable hobby then on my anxiety my depression etc. It didn't fix the problem but eventually I was able to find something that I enjoyed, kept my mind and hands busy and kept my thoughts off negative thoughts. Which let's face it, negative thoughts are a rather large percent of mental illness. So I found a distraction. And I put the energy I used to put into negative thinking, I turned around and put that energy into my hobby.
Now I've only had one anxiety attack in 2 months when I was averaging 10 or so a day. I was miserable afraid of everything, seeing things, hearing things, but now the sea has calmed.

We don't realize just how wrapped up in ourselves we become and it will eat you alive. Take a look at your thinking habits, how many times a day do you think and say "I feel" while granted feelings can be overwhelming and you can't help but think these thoughts, but when you catch yourself thinking them, try to change that thinking into something else. Whether you go out and play a little basketball or you can pick up knitting, really anything that keeps you from negative thinking and back in the world.
When I have my psychotic episodes, when my schizophrenia peaks, I start drifting into a space between this world and the world in my head. And I kind of just sit there. I can't really tell if I'm in my own world or the real world, the line becomes hazy. The anxiety takes over and it's constant fear, panic, depression, anger, doubt... I know it doesn't cure the problem I know it doesn't solve all of the built up issues over time but if it works to get me out of that hole for just 5 minutes, it's more than I could have hoped for. But it's gotten me out of my hole for the last two months, more than I could ever imagine it would do. And I will keep it up.

So I can't keep coming on pc, it's addictive to me, I have an obsessive personality and it just wouldn't work for me. But I felt strong enough to come on here to post a little something I've learned, so maybe somewhere there is someone in a similar boat, that just needs to hear those words, hear that to get out of the dark hole that seems to be suffocating them. There's always hope, I'm proof of that.