So, I'm a depressive, possibly BP, married to my husband since 2010, known each other since 2004.
Lately I've had a really hard time with a very painful kidney stone and coming off of the antidepressant: Paxil because of major sleep disturbance & possible cause of the stone. I have been more or less housebound since March 20 (kidney stone time)
During this time, I've mostly felt that my husband is totally freaked and overwhelmed by these problems, and simply doesn't know what to do with me and my sicknesses. The only thing he can think to do to "support" me is to bring me different foods, trying to make me eat, blaming my feelings on bad eating habits. I am pushing myself as hard as I can to eat and drink enough, but my strained/blocked kidneys create a constant nausea that makes eating the Last thing I want to do...and then he gets mad because, "It's my fault for not taking better care of myself."
I recognize that in my depressive/ BP state, I am operating with a negative mindset, and I am less able to contain the negative or critical thoughts that pop into my mind and out my mouth...but I am admitting that readily to him and apologizing when the Nasty pops out...
and now, for the last few days, he seems to hate everything that I say. He gets very easily frustrated and angry at the smallest things. He refuses to talk to me about anything meaningful or deep...including these issues I'm outlining here. All he says is, "I just want to relax. I don't want to talk about this $h!+ right now. We shouldn't be talking about this stuff until your mind is back to normal." perhaps he's right? But mostly it makes me feel very alone and very crazy, and very unloved
I took my vows seriously; for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...is it too much for me to expect his support in my time of weakness? After today I feel pretty strongly that I should leave and stay with friends for a little bit so he can get a break from me and I can stop feeling his contempt and frustration at me....but that's just running away perhaps? Idk what to do. I feel trapped and hated, and for a sick SU depressive, these are not good feelings for me