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Originally Posted by rainboots87
I flip back and forth with this. I am attached to T and look forward to sessions and think she's helped me make tremendous growth over the past year. However, at the same time, sometimes I want to pull back and hate that I need her help and don't want anyone to help me. Basically, I feel like I should be able to do it all myself (which T says is perfectionistic of me). I understand that asking for help when I need it is a sign of taking responsibility. Sometimes, though, I think I want her support too much and then I pull back. For example, I had a tough session on Monday that brought up a bunch of emotions and I sent some emotional texts to T, knowing she probably wouldn't see them till the next morning. Then I switched gears and said I wanted to stop all therapy, and even went so far as to tell my group T that I wanted to quit. By the next day, I just felt stupid about it all. I hope I'm making sense. Can anyone relate and/or offer some advice/perspective/etc.?
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My T calls it the I hate you don't leave me thing. I also do that, it's part of black and white thinking a borderline trait, I happen to carry. I know it's a struggle....I do it because I fear abandonment and this is my way of being close with distance. Hope this helps.