" It sounds as if the affair was much more of a sympton than the problem...."

Lido78, I think you are right. My view all along has been that if the marriage was good I never would have had a reason to look elsewhere.

My logic may be a little twisted, but here's how I see it. The affair happened because the marriage was in trouble, and in all honesty, because I was being selfish and had a bad case of testosterone poisoning. Now that the symptom is gone, the affair is over, again, admittedly, not by my choice, I want to try to work on the personal and communication and relationship problems that caused the symptom.

The reason we can't work on those problems right now is my wife's insistence that I get help and get myself straightened out first. I'm trying to do that, and the more I learn, the more insight I get into myself, the more I realize I'm a major problem and I will take a lot of time to get into any kind of shape to work on the marriage. Meanwhile, she is also in counseling to work on her own issues. I think the legal separation is a good idea because it basically sends us to neutral corners to work on our own without completely severing the relationship. I hope we can keep in contact while we do that, and when we are both ready get back together for marriage counseling to put the relationship back together, although I think it will take a lot longer than I originally thought.

Just my warped perspective.