I also know how you feel Calista...I am the one officially diagnosed as a depressive, but my mother's been so consistently distant and depressed throughout my life, that most people chalk it up to, "that's just her personality..." sooo, when I act distant and self-isolate, it's Depression, but when she does the same, it's "just her personality"? Hm. My realization that she was, and is, in fact a Depressive like me, with a depressive mother of her own and alcoholic father...a lot of the self-blame and self-hate I had developed from the emotional neglect and abuse, lifted from my shoulders...a little bit at least The stigma attached to depression, BP, DID, and pretty much all the psychiatric "disorders" is STILL a problem even today, and back in my mom and grandma's days...it was ABSOLUTELY NOT talked about...much less admitted and dealt with. I had the great experience of interviewing my mother for a paper in my Psychology of Women class about the stigma attached to Depression and her personal experience with said stigma. She confided that she had NO CLUE what depression even was until she saw a PSA on the bus about the symptoms of depression, and had the sudden realization that, "Holy Crap! That's me!"
It's really tricky: I am still angry at my mom for all the neglect and abuse, but I also know that to grow and move on, I have to accept that she was struggling just like me, without any explanation or support, and by being part of a long line of depressives/alcoholics-in-denial, the only way she was taught to raise a child was in that distant, cold, and critical way. She knows no other way of parenting.
I am sorry your mother is hurting you the way she is. Please realize that her treatment of you has far more to do with her own issues and inadequacies as a parent than it has to do with your character or "inadequacies as a daughter".