I feel for you so much. I also understand the hoplessness, emptiness and the struggle against self harm. In no way am I an expect on the matter, but I have found it to be like an addiction. But like most addictions, once you start, you rely on it more and it only ends up leaving you more hollow inside.
Im am pleased that you have spoken to your councillor. Best of luck doggiedo. I hope you are able to find some peace