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OK, here's my two cents worth from my own experience. I have a huge problem with connection, attachment, emotional intimacy, whatever you want to call it. With people. As long as the relationship is superficial, I'm fine... just no real closeness. However, I've become deeply attached to all my dogs and have loved them deeply. They're not people.
So ... I haven't known WHY I have this problem with people. I just do. However, once my T realized what my problem was, he set about creating an atmosphere of intimacy between us, wily creature that he is. Very slowly, and it took him months. I sort of knew what he was up to, and was resistant. But at the same time, I really really want to know what the hell is going on with me, so I tried to just let it happen.
Anyway, as I began to experience this connection, I forced myself to be aware of what I was feeling. It started out uncomfortable and progressed to almost sheer terror. Honestly, I'm that bad. But the payoff is ... So far I've had two huge insights into why I fear connection so much. One involves my father (I suspected that), but the other involves my mother. Boy, I didn't see that coming!!!
I'm working through this now, but the thing is .... we could have sat there analyzing and talking about the connection thingy for YEARS! But actually feeling the emotions was what did it. It was like he was inside my head, suffocating me, like I was losing ME. I had a meltdown at home where I trashed my living room, screaming "GET OUT!! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!". Powerful stuff.
The bottom line is .... it was only by allowing myself to develop a connection that I was able to find out what I feared in it. And that happened because T had the patience to develop this, and I didn't chicken out but had the courage to let it happen. Basically, I trusted my T and followed the process.
Sorry for the long post. I hope this gives you another perspective on why connection to a T can be a very valuable thing.
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