The idea of a break kind of struck home with me, but not in a negative way. I'm currently in a very bad depressive episode, and my poor fiance is working full time, going to school to get his masters, and still trying to take care of me. I know I lucked out when I got someone so nurturing as he is; he's constantly taking care of me. But I went to the county mental health center, and they talked about a place where I could go and stay for 24 hours or maybe a few days if I'm ever feeling super unsafe, or, at the very least, I want to give my fiance a break. So maybe a short stay some where else wouldn't be the end of the world. Maybe you'd both get some much needed peace and destress a little. But do use it as a tool to heal, not as a punishment.

I know I don't have a painful physical illness going on to complicate things, but to me, it sounds like he's doing the best he knows how. He probably wasn't taught how to be nurturing (god knows where my fiance learned it... His mother isn't exactly nurturing herself...). Maybe he just doesn't know how to take care of you in the way you need to be taken care of right now. I definitely understand how you taking care of him for a little while takes your mind off your depression. Have you tried sitting him down and explaining what is helpful and what isn't? Maybe think of specific things he can do that would make you feel more comfortable. I hate the feeling of having to tell him what to do because for some reason, in my mind, it makes me feel like he's only doing it because I told him too. This truly isn't the case at all -- he simply wouldn't know what to do unless I told him.

I don't think spouses supporting each other is an idealized myth. I think you just have to give him the tools he needs to be supportive to you in the way you need and want him to be. The true test will be whether or not he is able to take what you're telling him and put it into practice. At the same time, you can't expect great changes overnight. I think with patience, communcation, and understanding, you two can be the supportive spouses you both need.

I hope I didn't come off as belittling or making it seem like it's all your fault. I don't believe it is at all. I don't really think there is anyone to blame. I hope this could just be a starting place to get you guys out of what appears to be a little bit of a rut. I'm sorry if I was at all offensive.

Good luck!!