I would love not to have these thoughts. I have recently been to my psychologist and my psychiatrist. The psychiatrist increased my pills. I know this sounds weird but she increased my Trazodone. I am tired all the time though since its a sleeping pill. I am on 250 mg of that stuff. I also tell my psychologist my thoughts but in a way I wish that I don't but its hard to keep secrets and it eventually comes out anyways. In fact, my psychologist gives me homework. One of the assignments is I have a piece of paper to write my thoughts down and say what evidence proves my thoughts and what evidence disproves my thoughts. The ones disproving my thoughts is the hardest to do. I sometimes can see others point of view but its difficult. I don't like going to my psychiatrist though as it seems that she doesn't believe me. There are times where she implies that I am making it up without actually saying it. My psychologist laughs at the idea of others saying I am making it up because she sees evidence and so does my case worker. My case worker is at a mental health organization that I go to. She sees physical evidence that I am suffering like my skin color is different and I am more distracted. I physically look scared. Also my blood pressure rises and same with my pulse. When it gets real bad, my pulse has been known to go to above 145 bpm with no activity. My blood pressure while its going on can go up to 175/100. The anxiety that goes with this problem is awful. With it being so severe, I can get a heart attack at the age of 29. For some reason at night I am much calmer. That is the only part of the day I feel calm. At least calmer than during the morning and afternoon. Thank you for writing to me.