Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1
i would definately say that she was insistant .that is a good word to use .maybe that is more what she was then angry maybe but is scared me .it wasnt her i felt she was controling me with fear if that makes any sence
all i said in the card was i didnt mean to get you so angry last week.i dont know what else to say that wont make it all about me so i just really want to say i am sorry.
she said i was accusing her of being angry and it wasnt fair for me not to tell her what she did that made me feel that way
i told her she would think it was stupid and she said so now you are saying that i am being judgemental.i didnt mean that at all she was twisting around everything i said
my goodness she wanted me to tell her when i think she is angry and then she twist it all around so i cant say anything good i dont know why
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So, maybe she really was challenging you?? Can you ask if that's what she was doing? Or tell her it sound like she was angry with you, but you now realize that she wasn't. That, in being so insistant and different in her speech pattern to you, you're wondering what what was happening? Was she challenging you in what you were saying? (If you say this, you are telling her what gave you the impression she was mad at you- like she asked you to).
I'm pretty sure that T is challenging you in your "faulty belief" that everyone is mad at you and hates you. She does not want to be lumped in with those people because that is not the case for her. Do you get that? It's kinda hard to think the way they think when we're use to living believing and coping with the way we do,. AT least that's what I've learned from my T challeging my faulty beliefs.
And really- don't be afraid to tell her what you're thinking. You can soften it if you want. Keep the really bold and scary ideas to your self- for now. Just let little bits out and see what her new reaction is. Be honest Granite. You don;t have to challenge her in the same way she did you, you can be softer and still get your answers. Of course, if you want to be more animated about it, tyhen by all means , please do! She asking you to tell her- so tell her what you can. Tell her how YOU feel, not what she feels. ie- "I felt like you were angry with me because you didn't accept my card. I didn't understand why. I tried to, but I couldn't. It made me feel so bad that I ripped it up outside your office. We're you feeling angry at me when you gave me that card or was it something else?"
Just keep trying granite- you'll work through how to speak to her.