I managed to make it through an extremely difficult night last night. Helped a little that I made myself keep my word on a safety contract that I wrote. Helped a lot being here on PC. To the person here on PC that helped me the most, thank you more than I can say. You know who you are. You may have saved my life last night. I'm sorry to all those who encouraged me to call a hotline. I know I should have, but I just couldn't get past my fear of trying to explain my condition and emotional state to a stranger.
Went back to the hospital this morning for the intensive outpatient program. Once again I got pulled out of group to talk with a social worker for the last hour. This time she told me they already had the doctor's permission to force me inpatient involuntarily unless I could convince them not to. I managed to convince her that I had enough plans and support to make it through the weekend, but she made me write out and sign another safety contract that I would not self injure or make any preparations for suicide before our next meeting on Monday. After that she conferred with the nurse and between them they decided to let me go.
So that's where I'm at for now. I'm still feeling rough but determined to keep my word and keep myself safe until Monday. I think I am very slowly starting to come to terms with the relationship issues that caused this latest crash and are keeping my depression worse than it would be otherwise. I'm not there yet, but I think I can see how I might be sometime in the future.
Thank you so much to all those who have been concerned and helped me here. PC is a great community.
|