A lot of this will repeat what I have posted elsewhere, but please bear with me.

I have said before I was a firefighter/paramedic for 15 years before I was forced to take a disability retirement because of my bipolar and the rest of my multiple diagnosis. My pension doesn't provide enough to live on once my estranged wife takes over half of it, so I have to work somewhere or starve. I'm currently working, when I'm able to work, changing oil and tires at a walmart. Not exactly fulfilling work, low paying, and it just generally sucks.

Most of my adult life has been spent serving others. I've been injured on duty many times, and I long ago lost track of how many times I've risked my own life for the good of someone else. As I've said before, firefighting isn't just a job. It isn't something you do, it's something you are. Losing my career also meant losing a major part of my purpose in life.

The social worker I've been working with in the intensive outpatient program wants me to come up with ideas of things I could do to help others to help restore some of my purpose and self esteem, whether paid or volunteer. I know I can never replace the adrenaline rush of charging into a fire or working a patient in a wrecked car while they cut the car apart around me, but I'd like to think that something I'm doing helps make someone's life better.

I'm having trouble coming up with ideas. I applied a while ago for a job as an emergency room patient care tech, but I didn't get it. I thought about reapplying there or at another hospital, but the social worker doesn't want me in an ER because she worries that seeing a trauma come in might trigger flashbacks from my PTSD. I looked into phlebotomy because I have many years of experience sticking needles in people, but she doesn't want me seeing even that much blood. I'd like to get back into some kind of healthcare or public service, but I refuse to be a butt wiper in a nursing home. Other than that, I'm stumped.

If it's volunteer I won't be able to do it much because I still have to eat. Paid would obviously be better, but it can't take much schooling or I'll starve while I'm learning to do it. Any ideas?